September 29th, 2006: Mixed feelings all around.

• I got the news today from Dad that Grampy Toivo had passed away last night. Though sad, I know that he’s happier where he is now. I’ve considered flying back to Mass to attend the wake, but after talking to Dad and Ann, it doesn’t make sense. He and Nan loved to travel, and he was so thrilled that I was going to have this opportunity. According to Dad, every time he visited with Gramp, he would point on his copy of my schedule where I was in the world. I will do something here to say my goodbyes and when I get back, I’ll visit his grave.
• The day continued to bring mixed blessings. It was cast appreciation day. The cast performed s a hilarious skit and threw us a dance party. This was perfect. It was wonderful being around 80+ people who support me (though not all know what’s going on back home) and having a chance to cut loose and dance (my ultimate stress relief). The staff also made us lunch, wrote nice notes to us, offered a movie for us to watch (Ice Age 2), and gave us a break for a strong part of the day…..perfect timing.
• New show: The show was seriously revised for this week. We added Seishun Amigo and many of us rotated to new singing or dancing slots. I was moved from Unspoken Words to Power With. With all the changes, my already busy show routine got even crazier. I had to write down all the changes to keep my head on straight. Oh, Gramp would have gotten a kick out of this:
• Ayiko: sing mic groups for both intro and Ayiko proper
• Unspoken Words: mic groups
• Village: mic groups
• Sound of Peace: Change into clothes for Power With
• Power With: Sing solo
• One to one: Change into Keep The Beat costume. Give pants to Jochanan
• Stomp: perform with first clump
• Europe: Change for Go Daddy Oh
• Go Daddy Oh; Dance
• Asia: Change for Seishun Amigo
• Seishun Amigo: Dance
• Oye: Change for We’ll Be There
• We’ll Be There: Sing solo

If you think it’s exhausting to look at, imagine doing all this in about one and a half hours. Honestly, other than botching up the words to Power With and missing a turn in Go Daddy Oh, it wasn’t all that bad. I’ve really grown accustomed to all this craziness. I could beat myself up for those mistakes, but what good will that do. I just need to practice.

• Back to Gramp: Now I’m back at my host family’s house and I can focus on my loss. Other than back home, I’m in the best place possible to deal with this. I have great friends around me. I’ve received so many well wishes and notes, it’s very heartening. Even those that I don’t generally speak much with have expressed very sincere feelings to me.

At staff request, I’m taking a personal day off. I’ll take Sunday to chill, cry if I need to, and gather my thoughts…maybe have my own ceremony to celebrate Grampy Toi. For now, I’ll rest and tomorrow, I think we’re going touring through the city. As I’ve mentioned, he and Nan were bit travelers. He’d be so excited that I was getting this opportunity. He’ll be there with me.