The ball gains momentum

Saturday night August 7th, 2006: Last day in Broomfield

Wouter and I just said our last goodnights to Thora and David. What a strange feeling. We have been here for a month. We’ve lived with David and Thora for this entire time. We’ve already had a lifetime of experiences in what felt like a blink of an eye. What are the next four and a half months going to be like? Very likely, they will go just as fast, if not even faster. What will our next host families be like? Will they be just as kind?

This was a nice last day though. Wouter and I spent most of the day packing and doing laundry. In the afternoon the four of us went to see Pirates of the Caribbean 2. Johnny Depp is absolutely amazing.

Tonight, David made us all a tasty cod dish (surprising since the fish was frozen). Wouter and I presented David and Thora their host gifts and a little something extra (a bright yellow shirt with a saying by Albert Einstein about creativity and JUNK) for being our first host family. They were quite appreciative.

Now I will try to catch up on the week’s notes before I start writing a thank you note to David and Thora. Maybe I’m just delaying. I’m not a great writer and I don’t think there’s any way to show enough appreciation for all that they have done for us. I’ll just have to give it a try, I guess.

Anywho, catching up:

• Wednesday August 2^nd, 2006: Mark Gerzon and Run-throughs

Mark Gerzon came to join us at Teikyo today to speak with us about conflict. He has been one of our best speakers thus far and I cannot wait to read his book. Thankfully UWP has a library with copies. I have one currently. I just need to finish my book about sociopaths (should be light reading, right?).

Mr. Gerzon talked about getting conflicts out into the open, rather than holding them inside; taking chances about expressing thoughts and feelings in order for learning to occur; tolerating the discomfort of not having all the answers; being able to hold multiple perspectives in your heart; and having the courage to risk your identity. This hit home for many of us, as we all have thoughts and opinions about our own and other cultures. Few of us, thus far, have been willing to take that risk and start confronting those thoughts with people from other cultures. Being a born “peace keeper” the idea of purposefully bringing up hot topics runs in opposition to my personality. However, in order to grow during this experience, I’m going to have to take some risks. Ooookey dokey….so who’s first?

• Thursday August 3^rd, 2006: Run-throughs and Performing arts workshops: I love singing and dancing, but 15 of personal time would be MUCH APPRECIATED. I’m really feeling some pressure. It appears I may be in three dances and performing two vocal solos (oh my!). We’ve been shifted around soooooo many times and the staff keep changing the steps and blocking. I barely know what end is up. My stress is really high right now. It’s good stress right?
• Friday August 4^th, 2006: Carolyn Lee & More run-throughs

Just when I thought I had heard the best speaker yet, another comes through. Carolyn Lee, who had toured in Up With People as an educator for several years came to speak to us about keeping out eyes on the ball. Such great charisma this woman has. She went over her 7 great truths about our up with people experience and had us captivated the entire time (a major feat):

1. The UWP experience is very personal

2. The UWP experience is potentially educational

3. The UWP experience is sensual (appeals to the senses)

4. The UWP experience is cultural

5. The UWP experience is HARD.

6. The UWP experience is emotional.

7. The UWP experience is temporal (This was a tear-jerker, especially when she began talking about our last show together in December. Oy!)

Carolyn’s speech really got my thoughts and emotions flowing. The rest of the day continued as an emotional rollercoaster. I have never been so close to my breaking point. I’ve been in so many performing arts workshops that I can barely see straight. And just when I think I’ve got everything down, I’m getting more notes and more feedback saying “Erik, you’ve GOT to work on …..” Thankfully I was paired with an alum/ volunteer staff, Chris. I would not have survived this day if it had not been for him. I remembered that weeks ago, when I started noticing that I was training for, what seemed like, every dance, he mentioned that he found himself in a similar role when he toured. He explained in his very calm and nurturing way that, though overwhelming, it’s not impossible to learn all these dances.

Today, he and I were one to one (no pun intended). I found it strange that every time I practiced with him, it seemed that I knew all the steps. But once on stage, I’d nearly trip on myself. He was wise enough to notice that each time I performed on stage and with the cast; I was receiving some form of critical feedback, and not much else. He noted to me that maybe I didn’t need practice, but maybe some heart to heart time with the staff who were providing the feedback.

Talk about a humbling experience. Chris, I should hand you my masters degree. You should be the counselor. He was right. I was personalizing all this feedback and feeling really worthless, like nothing I did was ever enough. Once he mentioned it, I could feel all the emotions well up inside me. For a brief instant I began to wonder if my clients felt like this as they are constantly getting critical feedback from parents, teachers, staff, and various other adults…rarely hearing a compliment or feeling a supportive pat on the back. The power of positive reinforcement became amazingly clear.

Honestly, those thoughts were fleeting. I found myself at a loss for words and struggling to hold back tears. DAMN, there is a limit to how much critical feedback I can withstand. I’ve always prided myself at being strong and able to manage such information, but not here, not now.

I’m unsure if this was at Chris’ suggestion, or completely random, but just prior to our next run-through, Leah (staff, wonderful dancer) came to me and gave me a big hug and told me that I was doing a great job. I could barely hold back the tears. Was this situational? Or does this run deeper? Stuff to ponder I guess. Anyways, several cast members came to my support, offering hugs and encouraging words. All much appreciated, but I strangely wanted them to stop. I wanted to move forward and their compliments just made me want to cry more. Why? I don’t know. Maybe I felt weak. Maybe I didn’t like the loss of control. Maybe I just wasn’t ready to dive into those feelings right then and there.

After many deep breaths, I was ready to move on…and ya know what? I did pretty darn well. I didn’t care about the critiques I had heard about my solos. I just sang them. I didn’t worry about the critiques about my dancing. I just danced (and enjoyed it).

I’m a complimentary person by nature. Some people find it strange. Some have even called me fake. Honestly, I don’t make compliments without sincerity. Now, I have a stronger desire to see the good in those around me. If anything I’ve learned from this “hell week” it’s that people need to hear good things about themselves. There’s plenty of negative. Just an ounce of positive will go a long way.

Cool side note: Colleen (my admissions counselor) saw one of those latter run-throughs. She was absolutely thrilled to tears about the show, she told me afterwards. She also had no idea that I could sing. Funny, it was a lost skill for me too until I came to Colorado.

· Saturday August 5^th, 2006: Dress Rehearsal and a pleasant surprise

Today was the day of our first “real” performance, by my standards. We performed for the alumni and our host families. Thankfully, it went really well. There were a few quirks and bobbles, like the music cutting out in the first number. Nice job UWP band for not missing a beat and continuing on. I managed to smack poor Vero’s hand during one of the dances and (I think) I started a key change a bit early in one of the final songs (We’ll be there). These things will smooth out in time. The important part was the audience reaction. They were thrilled (many to the point of tears)! In turn, so were we!

Prior to the show, we were given a nice surprise during “green room”. This is a kind of pep-talk time to get us psyched and in the right mindset for the show. We started off with the staff lining up as we entered the room, giving us all high-fives, kind-of football game style. Tonight, staff were given gifts for their stung efforts, especially those whom we will not see much once we set off on tour. This was a somewhat sad time, as we have grown very close to the staff that has been working with us (even those who criticized us the most J ).

This night the staff introduced our Appreciation book, which will be passed from UWP cast member to UWP cast member or staff to show, well, appreciation for something that person has done. To my surprise, I was the first recipient. I was speechless for what seemed like a very long time. Thankfully I was able to squeeze out a few words, thanking everybody for being a wonderful cast and thanking the staff for not giving up on UWP. As someone who thought that he had lost his dream 6 years ago, I am exceedingly thankful to be touring now, with Cast A 2006. This has already been, and will continue to be, a fantastic experience.